Wed Oct 5 2005
COLD FRONT TONIGHT
Andy Borowitz (satire)
BUSH GIVES SUPREME COURT PICK 'JUDGING FOR DUMMIES'
Non-judge to Receive Crash Course in Judging, President Says
One day after nominating a non-judge, Harriet Miers, to the United States Supreme Court, President George W. Bush presented his nominee with a book entitled "Judging for Dummies" which he said would provide her with "a crash course in judging."
The book, which includes definitions of such basic judging terms as "docket" and "gavel," will be invaluable in preparing Ms. Miers to serve on the highest court in the land, the president said.
While nominating someone with no judging experience on her resume to the Supreme Court raised eyebrows in some legal circles, Mr. Bush told reporters that although Ms. Miller had no experience as a judge she had decades of experience as a crony.
"People make up half the stuff on their resumes anyway," Mr. Bush said. "Look at poor old Brownie," referring to former FEMA chief Michael D. Brown.
Saying that "experience is overrated," the President noted, "I never served in the military, and I've invaded two countries -- you learn by doing."
Mr. Bush expressed confidence that his nominee was a quick study, adding, "If you're looking for judging experience, I can think of no better on-the-job training than serving on the United States Supreme Court."
For her part, Ms. Miers said that she had begun reading "Judging for Dummies" and was already getting up to speed for her new job: "The 'v' in legal cases is short for 'versus.'"
Elsewhere, NBC announced today that it would begin broadcasting a new spin-off of its hit "Law and Order" series entitled "Law and Order: Special Tom DeLay Unit."
Mid-career, Mier turned to church