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Friday, January 16, 2004 New pages by 10 a.m. Monday-Friday

Bush booed at grave of Martin Luther King, Junior
The protesters pushed past Secret Service barricades. They pounded on the sides of five city buses parked in front of King's tomb to block them from the president's motorcade.
State lawmakers disclose bank balances Wentworth low on totem pole
The remap ghettoization of Texas Democrats

“First Wives Club” author dies after bad facelift
Cheney's grim vision: decades of war
Ohio inmate struggles before execution



Martian Air Force Denies UFO Crash

Gusev Crater (MPI) - A Mars Air Force spokesthing denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert outside of Ares Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that, "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft."

Late Saturday night, a Major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases."

Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.

The General stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidents involving swamp gas.

But the general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up," noting that Mars has no swamps.

Local resident Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the reported landings, is even more skeptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes," claimed Rhodo. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my adult life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but lately they come in every few years or so. The government wants to bury the truth but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are going to invade and the government is spending our hard earned tax dollars on press releases and denials instead of preparing for the battle to come."

A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a planet with the concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less intelligent life.

The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded and wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice to the citizens of Mars."



Hollywood Park Deer
A new website is being put together in the attempt to save the deer in Hollywood Park from slaughter and ill will from the counsel of Hollywood Park. This website is designed to be a living site where constant updates will be available. You assistance would be awesome!
Hollywood Park Humane Society site Save the Deer



Boys diapered, caged for more than 10 years
Man busted after emptying pockets of pot at courthouse
Robber arrested after returning to bank to get his note
Playground supervisor canned over cell phone bathroom pix
Taiwan scientists accidentally develop two-headed fish
with photo



Jay Tope's SASports.com

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