Held over one
10 finalists in the 2003 Bulwer-Lytton competition for the
"worst first line of a bad novel" (run by the English
Dep't of San Jose State University, California)
"As a scientist,
Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the
echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
the Narrows the river widens."
"With a curvaceous
figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval
face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue
eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty
that defied description."
simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along
the East wall: 'Andre creep. Andre creep. Andre creep.'"
Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was
about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon
to become the woman he loved."
had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking
out a living at a local pet store."
looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
"Like an overripe
beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains
of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the
word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and
spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
AND THE WINNER
"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept
along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through
the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat,
crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden
amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the
frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'"